This trip has been an unforgettable experience and has changed me in ways I can already see and I know many ways I am unaware of. I can only begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to travel to so many countries fresh out of university. I do need to mention that this trip would not have been possible without the help of my grandfather who passed away only 2 years ago this fall. With his passing I recieved a small inheritance that I used for this trip. My grandfather and I were never very close and rarely saw I to I but I know he was very proud of me and this trip was the greatest gift he ever could have given me. **Thank-you Grandpa - you are missed everyday**
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In my final night in Rome I wanted nothing more than to experience one last flavour, purchase one last useless souvenir, gawk at another magnificent building that I had no idea what it was. My goal that final night and each and every night that came before that was to live in each moment. My best experiences on this trip have been the moments where I stopped and I acknowledged 100% everything around me. I would smell the crisp air; I would acknowledge the feeling of being engulfed by a humid and sticky cloud; The little droplets of sweat would drip down my face; I would smell the trees or crops or fresh ocean air. I could see for miles and each landscape would speak to me in a new way but never cease to amaze me. In the cities it was no different, the sounds of the moto horns would carry through the streets, the crow of the morning rooster would never fail to wake me (yes their were roosters in the city - Siem Reap is the most vivid in my memory), and the varied architecture was uniquely produced by each community and culture. The simplicity of life, in Asia in particular, is something I aspire to bring into my life and to appreciate the small things.
First of all leaving Asia and coming to Europe was an extremely difficult time for me. Some may have noticed and some maybe not. I had many people waiting for me in Europe - so many friends from home, yet I felt like I was leaving my home when I left Asia. The culture shock I felt hitting Ireland a month ago is difficult to put into words. Everything was different! People drove in cars and obeyed most traffic laws. Every toilet was a western style toilet - what, no more bum gun! Then the expense of things took the air our my lungs and the jingle out of my pocket. Food was completely opposite as it was extremely rich and heavy- potatoes were the staple in Ireland where as Asian food is much lighter with rice in every dish. Clothes! Everyone looked so nice and put together - I had to start doing my hair again, putting on make-up to even feel comfortable around people. Oh and the amount of daylight in Europe took me for a loop. In Asia you have daylight from 6am-6pm (give or take) then I jump over to Northern Europe in peak summer where it stays light out until 10:30pm!! I could never gauge what time it was. There were just so many little things that no one would think were be that different but were such big changes for me. That doesnt even touch on the fact that I was leaving a place I felt such a connection too.
It is very interesting to reflect on the connection I felt to places over time and how they changed. When I left the anxiety I felt over the length of my trip was immense and I struggled with it but knew I just needed to take each day one at a time and experience everything I could. When I hit the half way point of my trip I was in Vietnam - as we know Vietnam was a roller coaster of emotions for me- and it was at this point that I realized I had less time ahead of me to travel and my departure home was quickly approaching. I wasn't ready to go home. It was also at this point where I was beginning to feel incredibly distant from friends and family back home. I had tried to maintain contact with them through facebook and emails but responses became fewer and communication faltered. This was something I struggled with but I could not let myself dwell on it for long because I wasnt going to let others negatively impact my experiences from half way across the world. So as I felt I was losing my connections with people back home I was putting more into the relationships I was building in Vietnam- I built a family there. This was also a contributing factor as to why it was a difficult transition for me coming to Europe. When I saw all my friends in Scotland for the best wedding ever ;) I still felt that disconnect that I could not explain or articulate to people. I could see that none of them had changed and they treated me like I never left, which was great... but they also treated me like I never went anywhere- meaning there was a very limited interest in my time away which I struggled with. But as I have been told the trip was not for anyone else but myself and I know that now more than ever and I plan to embrace every memory. It was during the final hours on that long flight home, and as untrue as it is, I felt like I had no one to come home too. It was one of the moments where I felt most alone during this entire trip... My anxiety levels were probably on par with the anxiety I felt leaving Calgary 5 and a half months ago. I had come full circle. Canada is my home yet I didn't necessarily feel like I was home. Its weird to think that I need to adjust back to my "regular" life. I felt extremely anxious I have no direction for my life. What I want is to continue to travel and see so many of the incredible things in this world.
To express what I have learned and what I will take with me into my everyday life is hard to tell. The person I am while travelling is the person I love. A person searching for something new each day. A person growing from the daily challenges and struggles of the unknown. A person who must be content with not knowing what tomorrow will bring. A person who embraces the moment with every cell in her body. A person full of patience. A person with unlimited tolerance. A person with an appreciation for everything in front of her. A person that is ok with not knowing what her future may hold because each day in a new day - its not something you can plan or control but something that you can only guide. People say you can take these things home with you but it is so much more difficult than anyone can imagine when you are surrounded by conflicitng entities that threaten this at every turn. While travelling you are surrounded by people who share the same thoughts, the same feelings, and are experiencing the sames things while sharing that love for travel and exploration. Home is much more...basic, follows a routine. It's different.
All I can ask from my supportive and incredible loving friends and family is to be patient with me. I am still trying to find my place in this world and right now my compass in reeling in every possible direction....
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